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July, 15th 2007

He was neurotic and co-dependent but no one knew because he mumbled so baldy due to a defect in his palate he had since birth. His neurosis would have been debilitating - his complaining constant and irritating - but his birth defect, a severe speech impediment that would have made life so difficult for others made his livable. He cataloged his fears and apprehensions. He listed them in order. Not in any order that would be meaningful to anyone but himself, but still an order.

First, he worried his neighbors could hear him in his room listening to the same song over and over. The song changed, but he got hooked on one for a while. A week, a month. A while. He would listen to it alone over and over on repeat.

Second, he was afraid he would fall down the stairs, his pants would fall off and he would shit himself and it would end up on the news somehow.

Third, he felt everyone could smell his cavities when he spoke. That his mouth smelled like rotting teeth but he couldn't smell it.

Fourth, that he was special somehow and vastly superior beings watched him in disappointment and made fun of him for never figuring out life's simple mystery.

Fifth, that he had women's underwear on the back of his shirt from the dryer he used in the public laundry.

Sixth, he had a special form of cancer that only became dangerous if it was discovered while also having a virus that was killing him but was treatable if he'd only get a checkup.

Seventh, that he would die in the some way that killed the soul as well.

Eighth, that he could be having sex with the girls in his apartment building because they agreed all he had to do was ask but wouldn't tell him because it was a test.

And finally ninth, that everyone was in on "it" and he was too but was to stupid to know it was "it".

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